Overcoming Perception
How much of your life is actually yours if you’re constantly worried about what others think? At some point, we’ve all hesitated to do something just because we’d be doing it alone. But the truth is, Nobody’s watching.
A Much Needed Vacation
I was at the beach in Melbourne, Florida, visiting my brother, but I was also there for some much needed alone time. For some reason, back home felt crowded. I was stuck in a routine, doing the same things every day, with people constantly pulling at me for small tasks they couldn’t do themselves because they were overworked. That pressure always made me scared of growing up.
Anyway, I thought to myself, ‘I need a break from all of this.’ I looked out at the waves and the people around me, and I thought, How lucky am I to experience this alone? I almost drifted off to sleep when a man walked up to me. He had that typical ‘beach boy’ vibe, and I couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to ask me why I wasalone at the beach.
But instead, he said, “You look so happy. What’s your story?”
I smiled and replied, “Well, I’m visiting my brother, and I’m enjoying time off from work and school. Who wouldn’t be happy?”
Should We Really Care What People Think?
I’m sharing this because if you ever find yourself thinking, “I’m at the beach by myself while everyone else is with their family and friends… Do I look lonely? Do I fit in here? Maybe I should just leave,” the answer is no. The real truth is, people don’t care as much as you think. And even if they do, does it really matter?
Seriously, think about it for a second. Doesn’t it feel a bit silly? You might never see those people again, so what if they judge?
I know I might be making this sound easy, but it’s actually really hard. When I first came to the States, I felt like I needed to learn English quickly so I could make friends. Instead of enjoying being in a whole new country with different people and actually having a childhood, I stressed about making connections.
But with friends came some bad ones. No hate to them, I wish them all the best, but let me tell you, the saying you become the people you hangout with is not a joke.
I fell into this trap of doing things outside my comfort zone, things that didn’t feel like me. At some point, I asked myself, “Do I even have a personality? Have I just been acting like someone else my entire life so people can be friends with me?”
That’s when everything hit me: I’d spent most of my life doing everything just to fit in. It wasn’t just a fear of not having friends, but a fear of everything— I overanalyzed myself more than anyone else ever did.
The Freedom of Acting Alone
It took a lot of practice to catch myself when I started judging myself or feeling fearful. Now, no one is perfect, and I still fall into these old habits, but I’ve learned to snap out of them quickly before they take over my life and prevent me from enjoying my adult years. We need to have compassion for ourselves and that includes being mindful of our headspaces.
Of course, I’m not saying don’t go out and make friends. The idea of having friends is great, but surround yourself with people who align with your values and goals. When I say do things alone, I mean if a friend cancels on you because of an emergency, go to that movie alone. Everyone’s just focused on the movie. And if anyone does notice — who cares?
Think about the last time you saw someone eating alone. Did you judge? Probably not. If anything, it was probably a passing thought before you went back to scrolling on your phone. This goes for everyone else. People are too busy with their own thoughts and problems to spend time judging you.
There’s something freeing in doing things alone. When you stop waiting for someone else’s availability, you unlock a new level of confidence and freedom.
The most inspiring people have a strong sense of independence. They don’t hesitate to take themselves out, explore a new city solo, or enjoy a quiet walk. They simply trust themselves.
If the idea of doing things alone still feels uncomfortable, that’s okay.
Let’s Start Small:
Take yourself out: bring a book, journal, or just people watch.
Buy yourself flowers: as a reminder that you deserve nice things.
Go for a walk: no music, no scrolling, just you and your thoughts.
Try a solo movie night: pick a film and grab your favorite snacks.
Go grocery shopping: invest in your health.
We tend to forget that you are the one person you spend your entire life with. So, get to know yourself. Instead of constantly checking in on others, reflect and ask yourself: Are you okay? Do you need anything? How are you feeling?
Confidence doesn’t come from always being surrounded by people, it comes from being comfortable with yourself. So go to that café or take that solo trip. No one is judging you, and even if they were, does it really matter?
